Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
