nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
