Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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