will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
