look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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