I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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