It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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