HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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