Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
