So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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