I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
