My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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