I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
