Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
