i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
