We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
