i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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