you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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