where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
