I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
