Swine flu. Run for my life!
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
