I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
