So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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