i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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