That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
