I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
