I'm gonna have a badass scar
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
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