yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
