I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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