This dress was meant to end up on your floor
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
