in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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