The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
