the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
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