dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
