He asked me if I "almost moaned"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
