when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
