If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
