Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Pooping to opera.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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