Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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