does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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