the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
