Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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