oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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