I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
