the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
