.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
