a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
