I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
