If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
