Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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