Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
