I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
