I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
