dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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