my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
i need some magic done to my vagina
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
