My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
